THINK… about the easy way out

Yeah, I just think about it because I know that way exists out there, many people use it sometimes, others use it always; ME, I just know it exists…

There are moments when a barely recognizable sleepy voice speaks up and reminds me, between a few yawns and a slight stretch of the limbs that there is an easier way of getting things done… that’s all it says…and goes back to sleep

“Yeah, I know”, I answer a bit exasperated… “but even easy is complicated for me because I’ve never done easy, complicated is my thing”

I honestly have no idea how to simplify my workload… (or maybe I do but I don’t know where to start… could it be at really wanting it?)

I surround myself with information, some repetitive, some contradictory, some valuable, some obsolete…

I get to class, stand before my students and go blank… all my preparing gives me a head full of confetti

Add to that the 40+ thing… (which, according to Dr. Sara Gottfried, the huge levels of cortisol I am producing due to stress are affecting my memory and, shit, giving me a…. muffin top)

Anyway, two minutes and the info/confetti settles and the logical starts to flow… thank God! though, at that moment, two minutes feel like an eternity and the noise starts to grow rustling up the confetti all over again… so I breathe and  mentally go back to my happy place -me, by myself, in front of my computer with all the information at my fingertips… I slowly, calmly organize the info/confetti by colors, categorizing according to my previously scheduled program…and then come back to class…

It’s not always a soft landing, specially when my self-sabotaging voice is guiding me down and reminding me I’ve got 20 students in one classroom and 25 in the other, all of them waiting for me to guide them to the same place but taking different paths… as different as the student writing the essay…

I don’t like to be reminded of the numbers, so I reply with facts, “who would have imagined a 20 or 25 group of mexican teenagers all perfecting their English through writing? Not me!”… and self-sabotaging goes silent

Another huge problem I have with my elusive simplification strategy is that I always start from scratch… I used to be proud of that because that meant my program was being constantly updated… however, after teaching this same course for more than 5 years now, you’d imagine I’d have some pretty good exercises, fabulous student examples, great resources; an overall solid course… but I don’t, or at least I don’t feel I do… because I have no idea where anything is 😦

I NEED A HOME OFFICE and I need to forget about my previous organizational ways, proudly called CHAOTIC ORDER…

Chaotic Order, what was I thinking?!

It used to work when I had my memory at its best (thanks, high levels of cortisol! oh, and stress) … jajajaaaa, now CHAOS is CHAOS… and order is something that I have no idea how to achieve (the hubby is pretty good at it, though he mostly throws out everything and keeps 3 to 5 things and keeps those in order)… me, I keep 30 to 50 things and keep them in caos…

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

OK, you must be thinking, “I would not want her as my child’s teacher” 😦 let me tell you something, I’ll whisper it to you because it’s a secret:

NO ONE KNOWS I’M COMPLETE CHAOS… PEOPLE THINK I’VE GOT EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL AND THAT I WALK THROUGH LIFE FEELING AS COOL AS A CUCUMBER… isn’t that amazing?

In fact, I’m sitting here, writing this post, when I should be doing some school related thing I can’t seem to remember… there must be something…

I do have everything under control…

but it puts me through the wringer to get there

COMPLICATED or STRAIGHT FORWARD? what’s your style? 🙂

hugs lovely people!!

btw, today’s A.R.T.’s TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY… my baby’s a toddler now… aaaaaa