THINK… about Expectations, Energy and Routine

What if I stopped doing what was expected of me and just did what I felt like doing?

What if I only did what I had energy and in the mood to do?

These are the questions that inevitably roam my thoughts when I feel routine has turned into a very heavy burden. My step becomes slower and feel difficulty going up the 17 steps to my upper floor. It’s the weight of expectations and routine that I feel I am carrying on my shoulders and back… and it could very well be a real load because I feel the strain in my neck and shoulders… I’ve realized that my mental to-do list wears me out before I even get to actually crossing off errands.

So, what if I stopped doing what was expected of me? I wonder if my day would change at all…

And, if I only did what I had the energy or mood to do, who would do the rest?

I feel that what started off as me being a responsible wife and mom turned into my whole reason for existing in this home, thus being my job and now expected of me… is there any part of the original me left in there, somewhere or am I that person?

My mental activity is using up the energy my physical body needs to function…

…

Today I woke up to find an email asking: Are your children balanced? MENTAL NOTE TAKEN…

Hmmm! I don’t know, what do you mean balanced? Emotionally? Their lives: work (school/extra activities) and play balance? Energetically balanced? Mom/Dad relationship balanced?

Then came an invitation to a webinar… the specialist offers to help us parents find the ideal balance in our children’s lives before it’s too late and we find out in an unexpected way (much like cancer, they said!) that OUR CHILDREN ARE IMBALANCED… yeah, what? so I signed up just to kind of regret it seconds later…

I wonder if our parents questioned themselves when they were raising us as much as we do ourselves nowadays… there’s always something we should’ve done, that we should be doing, that we should prepare ourselves to do, that we should do to remedy not having done it in time… sh*t! doing my absolute best suddenly seems so little, at least not enough…

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Yesterday my mom was telling me about a psychologist she heard on the radio saying how the DAD is the only person who can reassure and strengthen a boy’s masculinity… and I thought, “Hey moms of boys, bet you, like me, found that out the day you decided to start potty training this same beautiful boy?!”  Surprise, you don’t have the supplies needed for this task! And still, we did it!! But from potty training to strengthening their masculinity the whole story changes though the fact is still there, moms don’t have that something needed for the task… “Husband, a psychologist said blah, blah, blah…” “Yes,” replied husband, and continued, “that’s why I’ve mentioned before that he should take an after school class in, hmmm, I don’t know, karate, tae-kwon-do, maybe? so he’ll strengthen his masculinity and meet other children…” MENTAL NOTE TAKEN…

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I don’t know, I’m confused and I’m tired…

I will try to listen to the webinar. I hope they make a good point and do their best to convince mE, otherwise I refuse to take on another mom-must-do task… How many dads out there are questioning their parenting abilities and doing something about it, specially doing something about it?

You see, questioning, worrying and remedying are three of the many expectations placed on me in this family… all three are part of my mental to-do list and they have worn me out to a point that I can’t function anymore.

Certainty and confidence in my best being the best for them has been declared out-dated… Dad is too tired from working all day and doing his best… 

Now what? If I wanted to do this alone I’d be ALONE, but I don’t so I am not…

If a dad reads this, please take a moment to identify your place in family, you do matter, your presence is extremely important, you are a role model not just to your sons, your place and presence in the family will be the best and only reference in your daughter’s life now and in the future, her relationships with other men will be measured against her relationship with you… Moms don’t have the supplies for this task either… make a mess of it now and she’ll make a mess of it later…

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I feel I should apologize for this rant, but I don’t really want to 🙂

xo lovely people