THINK… about celebrating the other’s JOURNEY and GROWTH

La Rumorosa, B.C. pic by me

La Rumorosa, B.C. pic by me

You know that incredible journey you suddenly find yourself on, that you’ve been on for a while but notice it till your late thirties-early forties… the journey IN, as in INWARDS, of INTROSPECTION, yeah that one (I know, here I go again with THE JOURNEY, humour me people, it’s got a new twist, I think! I hope!!) 

The journey where you rediscover yourself as an entity that lives and breathes independently of others… the self that felt stumped and yearns to continue growing and start seeing and feeling itself thrive (yeah, LOVE the word, Arianna Huffington, thanks!!)

The journey you take while doing everything else, so completely dedicated to your previous life that no one really notices you are on THE JOURNEY…

Because the journey is done in silence and the growth is happening from the inside out…

because, it is not the kind of growth we keep track on a scale or meter…

Sadly, this growth is only perceived by those on their own particular journey,

because their journey has given their eyes a new ability to see the light that has started glowing within… and the rest, those not interested or that have yet to discover their personal journey, reject the slow but noticeable change in others…

I always labelled myself as anti-social. I showed little interest in seeing and being seen. I felt society expected stuff from me I was not willing to give, which I later found out was called peer pressure… I fought against peer pressure and decided the best way was to avoid it completely and hid inside a small group of like-minded people who made me laugh, think and accepted me as I was, an anti-social over-thinker (plus fashion savvy as one of them once pointed out… je! totally irrelevant, though cool to know)

I met and started dating a very social guy who was perfectly happy with my anti-social ways which meant that I’d be home before and after he left on date night, that I’d keep to myself and he wouldn’t have to worry about me connecting with anyone else, my anti-social ways meant I was his, that my life revolved around school, family and him, because even my small group of friends continued life without me, who could blame them… I could not handle time spent with the boyfriend plus partying with friends plus all my classmates… too may people, too little energy…

So I continued in my reduced world with a limited circle of relationships… and him in the middle coordinating my circus act

We married and my circle got even smaller, it almost became a pair of dots: him and me, though he was still quite connected and had a very social life while I stayed home and read or dreamed or studied with no resentment, that’s who I was… until he made connections that affected our two-dot connection and blamed me, then my small world got a bit murky and gray and I lost sight of why I was like this, the satisfaction it brought, the enjoyment I had of being with myself and my books…it became something bad, a kind of sickness…

Having children meant I’d need to start relating at least to other moms, quite a task for me given that I despised (and still do) small talk but I went out and (kind of) did it… soooo, draining, though I did manage to find a few interesting moms out there plus, I altered my expectations to something more real, knowing that not every chat would be life changing or enlightening, it could just be a “Hi! how are you?” and it would be OK…

Time passed, I went in and out of the sickness that was my self-inflicted seclusion… suddenly my 40s arrived and the journey revved up its engine… it became a matter of snap-out-of-it or BUST…

First order of business in my snap-out-of-it strategy was to now, feel and believe that I was not an anti-social being, there was more to it and I was not sick… research and introspection took me to the topic of INTROVERSION, my goodness what a topic and what a relief… then left-right brain personalities… aaahhhhh! thank you… I self-diagnosed: Introverted Right-Brain Personality, yeah the artsy type… THAT WAS/IS ME!!! I am not sick and I don’t hate people…

What a relief and beautiful realization, I embraced it fully and completely… I swam, dived and doggy-paddled in the luscious pool of my new label, no, my newly found self-description!

But it did not go well when I explained it to the husband, he did not budge, I am, in his mind an Anti-Social, people hater, self-righteous person, who thinks she needs no one else but her huge brain and her one or two true friends…

And here I have a question I wish someone would answer: how can you explain THE JOURNEY to someone who has no interest in living and experiencing it? Is it a female thing? this I know is not, because there are many incredible speakers, thinkers, writers who share their journey and their unlimited and ongoing growth…

The sickness has recently been mentioned and NOW I do resent it A LOT!!! Now I know it is not true and I have people who can attest to that, I have relationships, true, from the heart relationships that occupy the space I have destined for the social facet of me… these people are a part of me NOT my defining part by far, nevertheless a part I cherish and enjoy! However, these people are nowhere near his social circle, in fact, they don’t even intersect (thinking of a Venn diagram, oh I love those!!) which in his mind brings my circle down to almost zero in the category of relevance or value as connection…

His perception has not made me for one minute doubt who I am but it has made me question other aspects of us… here I know you can fill in the blank…

This time I am getting help, I need to be objective and to be shown in a clear way his perspective, I need to value his opinion and not take it as an attack. It has become a determining factor between us.

La Rumorosa, B.C. ...rocky view...pic by me

La Rumorosa, B.C. …rocky view…pic by me

We travel a long and arduous way in this journey to arrive at the most desired destination of self-acceptance just to turn around and find a loved one blind to your new bright and joyous light…

xo lovely people, thanks for reading all the way to the end🙂

6 responses to “THINK… about celebrating the other’s JOURNEY and GROWTH

  1. I keep that quote in my phone to read it often and remind me why i feel certain ways when I can’t find a logical reason for me hyperventilating🙂 I get what yyou say, totally… and i force myself to find inspiration in the happy times as well, specially when they follow “the storm”… though I do get so much relief/catharsis from writing with the sword piercing my heart, however I hold back on doing this often because I am not sure people will understand/ tolerate my words and the need to set them free into cyberspace… Nevertheless, when I read a post written from the heart I do completely empathize and try to be supportive in a comment… but, what were we talking about? jajajaaa thank you🙂 yes, please catch your breathe first and if you can, send me an email with the link so that it doesn’t get lost in my chaotic inbox🙂 xoxoxox

  2. Perfect quote! I even read it out loud to Punk. =*) We had a laugh about “every touch a blow.” reminiscing about when we met and I actually told him, “Don’t touch me.” I was so overwhelmed! And when life gets that way you’ll usually find me running for a pen or paintbrush.
    We artists are tortured souls, but it is the torture that leads to creativity. The pen is mightier than the sword, but without swords to pierce our hearts, the pen would never be compelled to extract the art within them.
    Love your back-to-school stickers. I can’t wait to see the gift tags! What a fun product, and such a blessing to be paid for your art. I will post about some of my projects after school starts and I catch my breath. =)

  3. Ooooh! the Identity Crisis!!! been there🙂 quite a mind trip… but it is one of those things where we come through being even better people and gaining so much love and self-respect; take it easy, analyze it to death and PLEASE write about it, I’d love to feel that in a way I am keeping you company IF you ever have to go through it🙂 as for the “new found time for creativity” cherish it and use it wisely, don’t become to attached to it because it stops as the children come in after school… also PLEASE write about it and show me how it should be done🙂 I am working on a ‘transition product’ that’ll take me from here to X-mas when i offer (as I did last year and did well, thank God) the Holiday personalized gift tags and cards, plus something else, i hope!!! How has your logo designing business been going? did you post any of your recent commissions? send me a link please, i’d love to see your work Mame… loved reading you and hope to keep it up🙂 xo my dear friend, take care and KEEP CREATING, btw, how ’bout that quote? beautiful right?!

  4. No apologies ever needed! It actually made me feel better being absent from my blog this summer knowing you were also absent from yours. =*)
    Swimming, meditating, creating… sounds very restorative! Glad to see you back in WP land. I should be back soon, too. After nearly fourteen years of having at least one little one to care for at home, starting tomorrow all four junior Zirros will go to school full time — I’ll have to blog about all my new found time for creativity… or the ensuing identity crisis!
    Good luck to you this fall. Hope to hear more about your creative successes. Sounds like you’re doing amazingly.

  5. Mame, please forgive me for answer back till now… I’ve been in a working/swimming-seclusion/meditation period🙂 THANK YOU for your support, your empathy and for telling me you and I share this beautiful, wonderful, wonderous state… I love being an introvert and I recently read an article about highly sensitive people by Jim Hallowes, OMG, it had a quote from Pearl S. Buck “The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create — so that
    without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.” THIS IS ME! thank you, thank you my dear friend… xoxoxoxox

  6. I celebrate your journey with you! The thing I’ve learned about introversion is that it is not anti-social or negative at all; introverts view social interaction as a GIVING opportunity, so it depletes our energy. We give our time, care, information, etc., and we enjoy giving it, but then we need quiet solitude to recharge our batteries. Our social friends, like your DH, RECEIVE more energy from social interactions. Neither is wrong, and one should never label the other as anti-social (or anti-solitude) because each has his or her place. The key is finding balance in the giving and taking, and respecting each other’s differences as beautiful and necessary facets that complement rather than clash.
    I appreciate your last sentence. There is heartache in your words, but also hope. You are resilient and bright. Shiny, even! =*) Stay on the path, find your truth, and keep looking up!

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