BEING 40… surprise! it’s a mammogram

Yes, yesterday, March 11th was “Squish My Boobs Day”!!! I’m not sure if, from now on this has to be a yearly celebration, so, just in case, I’ve marked it on my calendar

Another wonderful thing that happens when you hit the big 4-0… Your breast tissue has undergone changes from fibrous to fatty tissue making it great cultivation ground for ‘stuff’

Let me tell you how naive/misinformed I had been…

12 years ago I found 2 lumps in my left breast…12 years agoooo, I waaassss, hhhmmm, 30, back then I had just breast-fed my newborn baby girl, my boobs were young with that fibrous tissue I was talking about (oh, I hope I got this right when the lady explained it to me YESTERDAY), back then, I did not get a mamogram, because it is hard for that technology to ‘see’ through that type of tissue, of course, and here comes the naiveness, I was told/ believed that I didn’t have enough boob to put on the plate which explained the ultrasound option…

12 years flash forward to this week… I call to set the appointment (I could’ve waited for Mother’s Day when they have special offers on mammograms and pap smears, such a lovely thought, I can’t think of a more enjoyable way to celebrate Mother’s Day…I know, those tests give us a chance to have many more days to celebrate…):

“Hi, good morning, I’d like to set an appointment with a certified radiologist, my doctor specified that I specify this, to have a mammogram done”, yes, I sounded as awkward as it reads, I didn’t rehearse…

“Yes, we’ve got an opening tomorrow at 12:30, and our radiologists are all certified, so you are in good hands”…now that last part gave me the mega-creeps…I don’t want me or my boobs in no one’s strange “good hands”, aaaaaaaa!

“But, I have a question, let me apologize before hand, this is my first mammogram and I am a bit worried, many years ago I had to have an ultrasound because I didn’t have enough cup size for a mammogram to get a good view, so, what will happen if this is the case again, my cup size has not changed…”

and this is where she explained the difference in tissue from a young boob to and old pair like mine… so MAMMOGRAM it was

Ok, I know what you want to know…right to the point…did it hurt?

OMG, it does hurt!! In fact, my chest, boobs and shoulders are still a bit sensitive… the radiologist took 4 pics, two horizontal-flat, OUCH; and 2 diagonal-flat, looking for the lymph nodes, SUPER OUCH

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However, do you know what hurts more? The uncertainty, the fear, and the f&*^*îng fact that my husband didn’t even hug me for being brave…

There are things in life that a husband should be there for… a freaking mammogram is one of those!!

Damn it, they (the husbands) look more at our boobs than even we do, you’d think they’d care about their well-being… yesterday I felt sad and disappointed, today I am so f*&%ing mad

Of course, I should not be surprised at his reaction, he told me 9 years ago that I was the strong one here…which explains why I put up with everything, 24/7/365… BECAUSE I AM STRONG

And so I am, it is my new mantra, I AM STRONG, I can deal with this and more and still maintain my sanity and faith in the inherent goodness of mankind… shit!!

Whatever went through his mind, I am shrugging it off because I learned something: Us women go through many difficult moments emotionally and physically, some times we NEED company, some times we WANT company, other times we don’t, so whatever the case maybe, it is important to offer to be that company and not take it personally if we are not needed or wanted…

Yesterday, it would have been nice for the husband to be there…just as it would have been nice for him to be there when I was alone on a taxi on my way to the hospital in Mexico City unable to breathe (because of a pulmonary thromboembolism) at the merci of the taxi driver (which is something you do not do in Mexico City), or when my daughter and I found out I was having a boy… I hate remembering this, I am well! his absence made no difference in the end, I am well and my daughter got to experience something wonderful at her young age (5 y-o, she declared she wanted to be a radiologist)

A friend from work said she’d get her appointment right after I went, so, today I’ll offer to keep her company and if she does not need/want me there, she’ll be in my thoughts… and hopefully her husband will be the one there!

we are strong, but together WE ARE STRONGER!!

On Friday I get my results…

I AM WELL, I AM STRONG, I AM HEALTHY, I AM GRATEFUL, gracias Diosito!!!

been there, lovely women? done that, caring husbands?

xo

11 responses to “BEING 40… surprise! it’s a mammogram

  1. Teecee, I’ve been MIA plus a bit down in the dumps emotionally which not always makes for a worthy post, today I was just plain pissed, jejejeee. I felt brave my dearest friend, maybe I wouldn’t have appreciated my bravery if I had had company, right?!🙂 Thak you for your lovely wishes my dear friend!! I’ll let you know how it goes, take care and read you soon, xoxo

  2. Yes, it is painful! there are things in life that I can’t understand why the movers and shakers and thinkers of our time haven’t found a way to make them a bit less terrible to deal with: cavities, tests and mamograms! It is for the best, I kept repeating it to myself🙂 yes, humiliating and freaking painful:/ I’ll let you know about my results, thank you my beautiful friend, take care xo

  3. Safi, my very dear friend, they do help!! You know, there are days when alone is good, even when alone is best, however there are days when a hand to hold on to is just what the doctor ordered🙂 I am glad I reached out through this post because now I know I’ve got beautiful friends to keep me company when I go get my results… xoxox lovely friend

  4. Awesome post, my dearest friend!
    It’s been ages!
    I have no doubt that you are strong and fine.
    You have your creative way of making even uncertain and lonely experiences feel like fun.
    I’m sure you missed huby by your side, but I’m glad that you were brave enough to go through it.
    This is life, my dear. We’ve just got to keep doing what it takes to keep getting on and fulfiling our dreams.
    We are our own best companions.
    Looking foward in anticipation to good results.
    Cheers!

  5. :LOL: “Squish My Boobs Day”!!!!!! Exactly that! I didn’t want to mention the process not to scare you but it is bloody painful! I’ve got the same type of tissue which doesn’t make things better for us! Also, I find this exam quite humiliating for a human being! Honestly! Anyway, I suppose it’s all worth it in the end. I know your results will be excellent!!🙂

  6. Oh my darling. You are strong enough to do what you need to do and you are strong enough to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. But yes, no matter how strong we all are, a sense of connection and support is what we are wired to want and appreciate. May the hugs from here help xxxx

  7. Be cranky with me Belinda🙂 it is because i know that you are listening that I speak of the not so good things, I know I am heard, supported and virtually hugged by my beautiful friends… thank you🙂 I will let you know. xoxox

  8. What?! That guy! Please keep us posted as to the results. Yes, you are strong, but to be upheld and supported during these types of things speaks volumes, tell him, he should have spoken louder. Oops, did I say that out loud? I must be cranky today. In any case, we’re here and we’re listening. xoxox

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