REACT… to no changes / unrealistic expectations

Wow, I had no idea what to expect…

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Hhhmmm…

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In all honesty, I do!

Suddenly, in my mind, specifically in the part it shares with my heart and soul, where I keep all my hopes and dreams, I have turned every birthday, my children’s and mine, into an important milestone…

From them, I expect fabulous changes, never-before-seen evolution, a beautiful twinkle of maturity, the first fruits of empathy and sensitivity towards me and my place in their lives, a much awaited willingness to help, an appreciation for order that goes beyond their personal belongings like legos or fashion jewelry…

From me, I expect a true respect for my need to dedicate a significant amount of time to create… I expect a progressive detachment from tending to their needs leaving space for them to do it themselves… just as I expect for the mess to lessen as we grow, giving me a breather of at least 10 to 15 years before their children come along…

Yes, I expect a lot from each new year… that along with their added centimeters in height will come the added appreciation of my efforts… and, just as each new wrinkle starts to show I want my need for appreciation to disappear leaving in its place a memory of the times I dedicated to them that now make the idea of time for me so incredibly glorious…

Of course, I need to have realistic expectations. The reality right now has made me see that yearly milestones can be a bit unachievable… it takes more than a year to be empathic, appreciative, mature when there are 7 and 12 years before this where there has been no need for it…

7 and 12 years of celebrated and intentional egocentricity…

Anyway, my son turned 8 this past week… growth was manifested in two forms: his measurements and his lego collection…

I’d let the topic be part of my conversations, “Pablo is turning 8 this year/month…. next week…, this week…, today…” to which I’d get, “Wow, he’s a big boy now! Surely you’ve stopped helping him during bathtime/ with his cereal/ with his homework/ making his bed/ getting dressed?!… he doesn’t slip into your bed at night anymore, right?!” … all milestones I had not considered

I’m confused…I’m a confused 40+ mother of an 8 year old boy…

My birthday is in two weeks, (my dad turned 70 on the 2nd of march and the hubby will be 42 on the 5th…pisces abound) I’ll be turning 42…will I reach my milestones? is there any other I should be considering? I do have an important one at the top of my list: getting my first mamogram, NOW THAT IS SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO, not

xo people, enjoy the music!!