“…sweetheart, I may have colon cancer…”
these words, spoken by my dad, have left an important mark in my life…
So let me go back to mid-october, around the day I last posted. My sister and I decided to participate in a Christmas Bazaar where part of the proceeds would benefit the Catholic elementary school where we studied, our childhood Alma Mater if you will. The participation consisted in selling something at a stand we’d set up and decorate, so I gathered up courage and… more courage and dedicated the whole month to putting together a catalogue of original Christmas tags for gifts that could be personalized upon request. This had been a postponed project for some time now. Graphic design is one of my hobbies and something I would love to pursue and see where it can take me… anyway, I managed, much to my surprise, to design 30 mini cards and tags. Just as the night of the event approached my dad called me and in a hurried/ trying to get it out of the way manner gave me the news.
My north was compromised and I remembered we were told in architecture school that there are two norths to consider and specify when drafting and considering sun exposure, shadows, winds and that there’s about a 7 degree difference between the true or geodetic north and the magnetic north… so now I had my two norths: the north signalled by my dad and the north that points to the rest of my life, including my newly launched project.
I felt paralized… what should I do? what is my place in this situation? what is expected of me? and by whom? should I stop everything and sit and wait for more definitive results?
I continued with life as previously scheduled. I decided to tackle what depended on me and my presence: work, children, husband, home, PROJECT Christmas Bazaar; and put my Dad in God’s hands because this is stuff only He can handle.
The Bazaar came and went, with it came a lot of wonderful comissions for personalized designs. This kept me busy till December 17 just in time for my dad to go in for surgery.
The tumor was taken all out, a couple of polyps that had been identfied in his tests were no longer there. After two weeks in the hospital, he was able to leave on December 26. We are still waiting for results of the biopsy and further instructions.
At the same time, a fellow teacher found out her mom had breast cancer. She packed up and went to be by her side. She put her life on pause. Seeing this happen made me feel horrible and second guess my decision to continue with my life and tend to my dad when needed.
I know he appreciates my other responsabilities, specially those being his grandchildren and I am sure that my absence and my presence made little difference in his diagnosis. I tried to shorten the distance by calling him every day and reminding him that he was in my thoughts and prayers. My sister spent much more time with him at the hospital and I thank God for giving her the possibility to be there and focus on him.
This is how most of my days were spent from October 17 (date of my last post) till today…
In between designing, my dad and closing the school semester… I also finally visited my gynecologist after almost 4 years (I know, shame on me) to find that Mrs. Peri M. has officially arrived for her visit, but I’ll leave that for my next post because I want to come back WP neighbors I hope you stop by when you see the little light by the window on.
big hug to all of you, hope you had lovely, peaceful holidays and that the new year is starting off with health, faith and positivity for what’s to come.
Thanks much, my dear friend. You are such an awesome personality.
I’m happy to have known someone like you.
Huge hugs to you too!
beautiful! infinite gratitude loving soul
Thank you Ginger! the best to you as well 🙂 wonderful of you to stop by, big hug
And I am happy to hear you’ve embraced the opportunity as best you can. Much love, hold strong, sending healing xxx
Safi, I disappeared into a very hectic moment in my life. It all did make me question stuff from way back in my childhood, it made me re-evaluate the root of many feelings and deeply grounded beliefs that had become obsolete. I am standing on my two feet, though the dizziness prevails just long enough for me to be sure of my decison and take the next step. It’s funny how when you feel pulled in several directions, you can go crazy or take the opportunity to confirm your true north. Oh yes, I know where to find you and I will be there soon, I need your beautiful words to soothe my mind and soul. xoxo my dear friend
Oh Teecee, such beautiful words to express the power of faith specially in these situations and it’s all true, I had no idea of how to carry this huge package so I surrendered it to Him and am listening for His voice when he speaks to my soul reminding me that there is some small task I can collaborate with (keeping my dad’s pantry well stocked, listening to his lectures on alternative medicine, etc.) I trust in His will fully and completely. It has touched my heart deeply to receive all these incredible messages and to know that we are in your thoughts and prayers. I do hope to be around more, my neigbors here in WP are what call me back, I hold dearly the friendships I have made here and am making a special effort to have a moment that will be sacred in my day to dedicate to all of you by reading your blogs and keeping the connection open. Thanks for your wishes/predictions 😉 for my 2014 as i know you’ll soar high as well, don’t forget to take us on your trip 🙂 huge hug my dear friend, much health and peace to you
🙂 Thank you beautiful Belinda, xo
Marina, such a lovely soul! thank you and I’ll trust your instinct, sadly you know what we are talking about my dear friend. I need reassurance because self-doubt creeps up Sending you much love back and hearfelt wishes of happiness, health and peace to you as well for this coming year! xoxo
Fer, gracias!! que gusto leerte… Creo que en estas situaciones lo mejor es la oración, nos ayuda a sentir paz ante la incertidumbre que es esta enfermedad…recibo tu abrazo con mucho gusto y te mando uno de vuelta lovely friend!!! si, que el 2014 nos permita lograr nuestras metas y nos mantenga con salud y paz interior… xo
Te mando un abrazo amiga, tendre a tu papa en mis oraciones, ya te extrañaba! Que sea un gran 2014 lleno de exitos y bendiciones 😉
I am very sorry to hear that, my dear Alexandra. I know exactly what you mean and how you feel [been there]. I really don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to deal with it, except acting according to your heart. Each person reacts differently and very justifiably so. My instinct says that your dad’s [and yours and your family’s] ordeal is over. To enforce that, I am sending you all my positive thoughts and vibes just to make sure!
Much love and may 2014 be a happy and healthy year! 🙂 xxxx
I completely understand your hands have been full, but I’m thinking of you too! xoxo
I have missed you so very much, my dear friend!
I am glad that you have placed your priorities right and that you trust God to play His role on your dad’s case.
Everything will be fine, because God makes all things beautiful in His time.
Be strong and be confident that you have our love and prayers.
Looking foward to seeing more of you around.
Many cheers as you soar high in 2014 and onward.
Darling!! I’ve been wondering where you were. I’m so sorry to hear the last few months have been so disorienting. Sending you lots of love and you know where I am if you need me xxxx
Belinda, I have missed reading you and have had you in my prayers… thank you, love to you my beautiful friend, xo
I will hold you, your dad, and entire family in fact in my heart and prayers. Much love to you. Wishing you a peaceful and love filled New Year, Belinda. xo