don’t ACT… sit back and watch your Daughter be

drawing_hands

Something weird is happening

they say it’s one of the laws of life…

We will inevitably become our mothers

We fight it, not because we don’t love them but because they “are bossy”

We rebel against it, not because they messed us up but because “she was too demanding”

We deny it, not because it would be awful but because “I am ME, I am not her now or ever”

I noticed I was slowly becoming my mother just a few years ago, my voice changed into something VERY similar to hers; my words are the ones she spoke to me when we lived under the same roof, the ones she scolded me with, the ones she used to open up my eyes to the world, the same ones she used to pull my feet back down to the ground on those days when dreaming was not confined to bedtime…

Almost at that same time my daughter was lecturing me on how she was different from me and would never be the same as me or like the same stuff I like much less make the same crafty messes I make… (all in one breath)

“I am not like you Mom, I am ME” she said… and I respected that absolutely, completely, wholeheartedly… I was even a bit curious as to what that was!!!

OK… Sofía is Sofía, who ever that is, I’m cool!

Sofía just started jr. high… Sofía tried out for the dance workshop, Sofía did not get picked😦 … Sofía considered sewing and fashion design, but decided not to in the end…

Sofía is now carrying to school three times a week a bag full of art supplies because she is now part of the Creativity Workshop, and, if that was not enough, she’s also taking a class titled Technical Drawing where she’ll use a T-square, a triangular scale ruler, a triangle set…etc…

Stuff I carried to school in highschool and then in University…

What’s happening here?

I want her to be her… I don’t want her to be like me!

Is it genetic? Do I have a say in this?

It’s just a phase, right?!

She’ll try out for the dance workshop next year and she’ll be picked… she’ll shake of all that eraser dust and wash of all that paint and glue and put on her dancing shoes…

but still…

… it might be genetic… both my father and grandfather loved to draw, my grandfather designed and built his own home…I

OK, if she has to inherit something from me, let it be something good and worthwhile…

time to breath…

today I found in my email this lovely post by Lisa Jo Baker titled “On letting Our Girls Be Themselves” here’s an excerpt

… Go ahead and wear pink and ribbons or jeans and sneakers. Go ahead and wear ‘em all.

Go ahead and keep up with your brothers, steal their basketball, sneak a determined missed shot at the basket.

Go ahead and cry, daughter. Let your tears speak, learn to listen to them.

Go ahead and eat, daughter. Full, hearty helpings of mashed potatoes piled high, your tiny fingers dipping into them.

Go ahead and cook alongside me, stirring, mixing, helping, tasting, whirling my kitchen into a mess made for two.

Go ahead and sing daughter, off-key and out loud. In your bed and in the living room. In church and at the park. Go ahead and sing.

Go ahead and run, climb, wrestle, ride. In shorts or jeans or skirts with leggings, go ahead and be free.

for the rest of this beautiful post please visit her site

So tell me, have you turned into your MOM or DAD yet?🙂 (the hubby is slowly turning into his dad, I need to watch my step)

huge hug people… Oh, please send me some healing vibes, I’ve got this terrible sore throat and old lady achy joints

*wuuhuu, spell checked- only one mistake!!

 

18 responses to “don’t ACT… sit back and watch your Daughter be

  1. Hi friend! I have also fallen behind on my blog reading, work has drained me… I am much better, thank you🙂 yes, experiences do inform perspectives which takes me to the fact that I had little time with my dad in his more fatherly role before my parents divorced so I have no experience there to inform my perspective… I am mostly mom-influenced, however, even there I have made huge adjustments because her circumstances and mine are not the same… But the words/expressions that come out of my mouth are all hers🙂 I will suddenly start laughing in the middle of a scolding because I sound just like her… I am a lighthearted, open-minded, less stressed version of her🙂 big hug Jennifer

  2. I am pretty behind with my reading, so I hope that by the time you read this comment, you are fully recovered. In response to the becoming like your parents question, I am becoming a strange hybrid of both of my parents! I am probably more like my mother in my responses – especially to my children & she is always cautioning me (from experience she says) to take a deep breath b/f reacting – but I have my father’s stubbornness & fierce sense of parental protection. It is wild, isn’t it, how we evolve in our various roles as time marches on and experiences inform perspectives? I will definitely have to take a look at Lisa Jo Baker’s post – could use some of those reminders in my interactions with my girl.

  3. I promised myself to be more understanding and tolerant than my mom, less critical, a bit more open-minded… I am also taking it one day at a time and praying with all my might when we both have bad days!! te mando un abrazote sweetheart

  4. I promised myselft to be ‘cooler’ than mom. My daughter is now in 8th grade and next year she will be off to High School. I still think like that HIGHSCHOOLER myself. I will take it one day at a time..:/

  5. Thank you Teecee… I must be doing something right🙂 yes, i should be mindful of my words and actions because it’s no coincidence that this is a fact of life, so if it’s going to be that way, i want ther to be the best me I never was… does this make any sense?!🙂 huge hug my friend

  6. Sometimes, it’s so funny how qualities get recycled through generations.
    We’ve got to consistently watch our values, because whether we like it or not, we are being watched and emulated, the same way we took after our predesessors.
    Good post, my friend. You are maintaining a healthy observation of your daughter. It’s a good one.

  7. “I told you so!” I seldom got that one because I took my mom’s advice to heart, but I’ve heard it’s a pain when you do get it:/ there’s another really weird thing happening here: i am soooo in touch with my prehistoric youth and how that all felt (yucky-happy-yucky-sad-euphoric-sad: a bit cuadri(4)-polar) that I avoid “I told you so”…if i give the advice and she still goes ahead and then I’m proven right by the results she comes running to tell me, “Mom, you were right…!” and, of course I just hug her because I wished in my heart I wouldn’t be right, but such is life…maybe that’s why I don’t want her to be like me, I want to see what a different life is like and travel unchartered territories with her… crazy?!

  8. Old lady – nonsense! I feel in certain ways we turn into out parents partly due to the accumulation of wisdom, partly due to changing perceptions as we get older and have more life experiences behind us. Often I find my tolerance levels have gone down and sometimes I hanker for that lost control over my daughter. In the end, what I always come back to is – my job is to empower her to make her own choices, then let her. I’m sure I’ll fight the urge to say ‘I told you so’ until my dying day.🙂

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