BEING 40+…and feeling THE DRAIN

I don’t like to question my life

I have a good life

God only sends my way stuff I can handle

Yes, I live alone with my two children, husband kilometers away, but that’s the way it’s been for most of my married life, in fact, for most of my ENTIRE life, there has never been a father around, not mine, not my children’s, so I have grown accustomed to that: Mom makes due and that’s the way it is…

So, if I am so used to this double (to say the least) duty MOM-DAD, plus everything else…

WHY AM I SO TIRED?

drained

WHY DO I FEEL SO DRAINED?

Other times in my life when I have felt like this, I have misread it and thought I felt EMPTY, UNFULFILLED…proceeding to fill my plate till it overflows and then I just want to CRY… jajajaaa

But not this time, I don’t feel overwhelmed, I don’t feel unfulfilled…

I FEEL TIRED

Unavoidably I get to analyzing: TIRED OF WHAT? (as I write I notice that this was not the ideal question but it was the typical one…the one most people would ask) and this is where the part I don’t like starts, the part where I question my life, the choices I have made… hate it, I am so comfortable right now, tired but comfortable…

interrogation-lamp

but the question has been laid before me and the lamp is shining straight into my eyes, I need to answer!

I can not take this lightly, I can’t just say anything, give me a minute…

hesitantly the idea comes to mind: WORK…

Noooooo, it can’t be my work, I love my work, though that is the only task I can cross of my list if I so desire (but I don’t desire)… but still, it can’t be…and there I was, in my internal debate…when this update appeared in my WPReader: What’s the cost of staying in your job? a post by my dear friend Stu… He had been writing a whole series on WORKING… How I Identified I Was in the Wrong JOB! …Can you fall in love with your job? (Pt.1)(Pt.2)(Pt.3) THEN, IF YOU WERE UNABLE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR JOB…How To Change Jobs (Step 2) (Step 3)

The whole guiding process!

Of course, I knew I wasn’t in the wrong job… I was already in love with my job…and I did not want to change jobs…OR DID I?! So I evaluated the (EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, OPPORTUNITY) cost of staying in my current job (read post to evaluate yourself) and this is what came of it: (my comment on post)

Thanks dear friend! I just finished reading this post, because staying where I am is an option… I do still love teaching and I can do my other creative stuff part-time as I’ve been doing, though it doesn’t give me the chance to make it grow… But I can’t dismiss the fact that I am doing already something that matters, the program I designed and am using with my highschool students is not taught at any other highschool here and I see the difference it makes!!! So if I weigh both sides, one benefitting me and the other benefitting me, my family and my students… Well… Goodness! Stu, my dear, dear friend, I needed this :) you’ve given me a chance to sit, visualize and put things into perspective… Sigh of relief… My creative job option would put an emotional and financial strain on me and my family…and opportunity is always there, I just need to go out and find her!!

SYNCHRONICITY, SERENDIPITY… I am glad I read this and forced myself to face it…

Job is not what has me feeling like this… I went with the obvious question and got an unexpected answer!

SO, WHAT IS IT? WHY DO I FEEL SO TIRED, SO DRAINED?

You know how they (the experts on everything and anything that go around saying wise stuff) say that MONEY CALLS MONEY, or how I believe that CREATIVITY FEEDS CREATIVITY…well the same goes for the binomial [Consisting of or relating to two names or terms] ENERGY & ACTIVITY: the more energy you have, the more active you are…

so if I am not active I have no energy!?!?…

SIMPLY PUT….jajajaaaa please laugh with me and not at me!!

I NEED TO EXERCISE… 

iStock_000018770059Small

and that is something my mom knew way before I went through these life altering seconds…

On HER birthday she gave ME a free week pass to Curves (she does Zumba there while I just sit at my dining room table and write and check homework)… I think she needs me exercising too!!

SOON MOM, SOON, I PROMISE YOU…

AND I PROMISE MYSELF…

40+ YOU.ARE.KILLING.ME.

hugs people🙂

11 responses to “BEING 40+…and feeling THE DRAIN

  1. I want to live and talk about how wonderful exercise is … aaaaahhh I DO, I DO, I REALLY DOOOOO… dioses del ejercicio infundanme con su amor por la actividad… damn it!! jajajaaa dramatica, just a bit… I love you really too sweetheart🙂 keep doing exercise and reversing or haulting the effects of gravity and age, the super villains of our time…

  2. ay friend!!! I love you.. really..🙂 and yes, I remember your mom when we were younger.. I think you are a lot like her.. and EXERCISE.. I am doing it and it is wonderful.🙂

  3. 🙂 I wish I could walk as exercise (it’s free just like blogging is my free therapy) but from May all the way through October we wake up to almost 90F temp. plus humidity some days…you break a sweat just getting dressed!! My problem at this moment is starting…and then I am pretty sure my problem will be keeping at it… youth was soooo incredibly nice to me, I miss Youth:/ I have no idea what I’m getting into, all I know is that my body is not winning the battle against gravity… You know what really puts me in a mind-over-matter state?! listening to good interviews, interesting people talk, I’ve considered audiobooks…I could walk till the end of the book… Hhhhmmm, not a bad idea…there are several books I’ve been meaning to read, er, hear!! and there are several muscles that I’ve been meaning to move … good plan, high five on that!! read you soon Jots, thank you for laughing WITH me, jejejeee… big hug

  4. You are so funny…..I laugh with you and NOT at you. I feel so much better if I walk in the morning…rain or shine. BUT..see how big it is…it is not my favourite thing to do. What’s my trick? and NO not that kind…I listen to a borrowed ipod and have all my “old” music. I think I’m [once
    again] in love with John Fogarty from CCR & Leonard Cohen…they are both older than me. THAT’s what keeps me……

  5. Hey, that’s another important reason to get active and energized…I’ve got a fabulous adventure planned: my climb TO THE TOP… Yes my dear friend, lets meet at the top and chat over a cup of tea🙂 big hug

  6. Yes, my friend, now I just need to fit it into my schedule…I’ve been thinking about it and I have a plan… No procrastination this time, this is taking on a red tint and is becoming an urgency… I must rewrite the 40+ symptoms…🙂 thank again Stu

  7. Great post, dear friend. It’s good to evaluate and it’s also good to make adjustments where necessary.
    Sometimes, the necessary adjustments could just be psychological you know?
    Welldone, my friend. Don’t give up. Don’t loose hope. Everything is fine and can only get better.
    Do the right thing and keep being a model to your children and to your students.
    See you at the top!🙂

  8. You recognize what you need…good for you. That’s one of the most difficult questions to reflect upon and answer. Blessings. You’re terrific.

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