“They grow up so fast!’
I remember how I hated when people tried to make me snap out of my post partum depression saying that. As if telling me that time travelled fast would make me feel less tired, less hopeless, less overwhelmed by motherhood. IT DIDN’T! It just reminded me that I had a few minutes to close my eyes before the forever growing baby would need another feeding and diaper change.
I sadly admit I did not enjoy my babies’ first months. If I hadn’t been reminded by my mother that I AM THE ONLY UNCONDITIONAL THING THEY’VE GOT I think I would’ve preferred to disappear into nothingness.
And it was just that, the fact that, when push came to shove I WAS THE ONLY THING THEY HAD that forced me from that deep feeling of hopelessness to a feeling of empowerment, or at least I made like the little train that could: I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN…and you know what? I COULD!!
You know, depression can be in your genes and when it finds a friend in unstable hormones well they get a party started, one that’s not a lot of fun for a new mother. In this case, depression finds fertile ground and if not professionally treated (ja, like a wine stain at the cleaners) it can L-I-I-I-I-NGERRRRR. Not fun at all.
I see my sister, for example, enjoying both her babies! I would’ve loved to have that. To hug them and kiss them from head to toe all day long. But I couldn’t. I was always tired, resentful of my husband kissing us goodbye and leaving me with my head all in a blur and having to take care of a helpless little person. How? if I was helpless myself.
Fastforward, 5 years…
Trimming my children’s finger and toe nails the other day, like I’ve been doing since they were born, I felt a sudden surge of nostalgia, profound melancholy! I thought to myself, look at these feet, look at these hands THEY’RE NOT BABY FEET OR HANDS ANYMORE.
My girl’s hands are that of a young girl, no more baby fat to pinch. Long beautiful fingers, she could be a pianist or a surgeon. Her feet, wow! big feet, almost wears my size shoe. She loves to run and she’s good at it.
NO BABY HANDS OR FEET HERE!
My boy’s hands, these will turn into men’s hands in any moment. Hope he keeps hugging me and curling my hair around his fingers to fall asleep for a while still. And his feet, I hope that size foot helps him to stay grounded, to stand firm and tall, to walk with his head held up high.
NO BABY HANDS OR FEET HERE EITHER!!
Now, seeing that I can’t go back in time (any way, I wouldn’t want to), I realized I should’ve kept track of my children growing up fast. I should’ve taken pictures to keep a visual record of how their hands and feet have grown. I see them and I notice that time’s passing leaves a very noticeable trace on hands and feet, (just look closely at the older, beautiful models out there, most of the time they hide their hands and feet from being photographed).
So now I made something to encourage new mother’s to keep this record:
I sincerely hope you decide to use it!
I don’t know how many new mothers read me (wink,wink sister!!)- as if new mothers had the time and energy to even turn on something that isn’t a low-volume TV-.
It’ll be something your children will enjoy looking at, they love to know that there was a time when EVERYTHING WAS ABOUT THEM!!! sigh!
One last thing…they don’t grow up fast BUT THEY DO GROW UP, although THEY NEVER STOP NEEDING YOU!!! right mom?!