ACT…Me vs. Myself

Leaving the colors exclusively to my paintings


This past weekend we had a wonderful lunch date with two couples and their children. These very nice people are my husband’s friends from work, but since we’re all far from home and our loved ones, we’ve become a kind of second family. We joke around and we are our own true selves when we are together, WELL AT LEAST I AM!

The men started talking about another of their coworkers, apparently a very foul-mouthed person, constantly swearing no matter who’s around. I just sat there listening having no idea who the man was when one of them turns to me and says, “Don’t worry Cielo, you’re not as bad as he is!”… WHAAAAT?! that’s as far as my REACTION went. I sat there cuerpo presente/mente ausente, there but not there. These people had just compared me to a not very well mannered man.

My husband’s voice brought me back down to earth, he said, “You see what I’ve had to put up with!” and they all laughed…

From then on, during that whole afternoon I spent it in an out-of-body-experience, analyzing my words, listening closely to myself, not censoring my language just to see if they were right…and came to the conclusion that I need to stop swearing.

La gente en México somos muy mal hablados. The mexican that doesn’t swear in public DOES IT IN PRIVATE! I’ve always said, “If I stop swearing I may become violent”. Swearing is my venting mechanism. Besides, I don’t use these words to offend anyone, I may occasionally use them to DESCRIBE someone, jeje!! but not to their face… most of the time I use them to EMPHASIZE my DISBELIEF, DISGUST, DISDAIN…and still it seems that it’s not correct language for a woman, much less a mother!

SH*T, now what am I going to do? Will I just talk, figuratively speaking, IN BLACK AND WHITE, will my conversations lack the COLOR my effusive language gave them…

I know the people who truly love me DON’T MIND MY COLORFUL LANGUAGE, in fact I know they’d try to discourage me from stopping, but I don’t like falling into the description of a FOUL-MOUTHED WOMAN MOTHER OF TWO MARRIED TO A VERY CORRECT AND WELL-MANNERED MAN.

So, TODAY I ACT in favor of a better, less colorful me… I’m going to give it a try!

Today I’m spending three whole hours at my painting class with women that enjoy my colorful language because they themselves talk in black and white in public, aunque acá en secretito, conmigo se avientan unas buenísimas…My rehabilitation starts today. It’ll take all my inner strength to do it, specially since I don’t really want to…but I have to…

I’ll keep you posted…

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