REACT…R.I.P. Grandpa

Oh my dear readers, hope you are still there going about your life but still checking in to see if A.R.T. is still alive…

it’s been a couple of very hectic weeks:

~my sister and children came over to stay for a week and ended up staying two…

~my adorable pet schnauzer bonnie spent 5 days in the hospital with seizures and moderate liver damage diagnosed as a result of intoxication from cleaning solutions (it’s such a long and maddening story that all I can say is I’ve learned a huge lesson and thank God she’s doing well and still with us)

~my son had his preschool graduation, my daughter finished 5th grade with fabulous feedback from her teachers (all in the same morning!)

~and…we had a plane to catch that evening to come back home (where I am now) to VOTE for our country’s next president (another maddening and heartbreaking story which if you analyze closely reads more like a Saturday Night Live sketch)

I am so used to the silence I enjoy in the mornings which sets the perfect mood for my blog writing that I just couldn’t do much for these past two weeks…anyway, let’s fast forward to Friday evening and me and my daughter hurriedly packing because we had to leave for the airport at 4 a.m. (beginning of school vacations, Mexico City airport goes crazy)

So we get like three hours sleep before the alarm goes off to mark the start of the very much anticipated beginning of the end of all this Mexico City/ political debates/ graduation craziness…

The airplane took off at 6:45 a.m. of course, I could’ve never imagined that as my family and I were taking off so was my grandfather’s soul…my grandfather passed away this saturday, june 30th at 5 a.m. (there’s a two hour difference between Mexico City and my hometown)

As we got to my mom’s home the phone rang and it was my father letting us know what had just happened…my heart sank…

This feeling of absolute spaciness came back. Do you know what I mean? when you feel as if the wind blows hard enough it would take you with it! Mute, deaf, blind, here but not here…

My grandfather, he lived such a full life (there’s proof of that, I’m not boasting or sugar coating it, those who knew him can atest to that) he lived a life that three or four men would be needed to reenact it

Knowing this has helped me with coping with his absence…

He was 91 and still drove his own VW Jetta to his lunch or coffee dates up until 2 months ago when he had to undergo a very complicated (and highly unlikely chance of survival) operation in which a great part of his small intestine was extracted followed by a bypass in his left leg…

Very much against the doctor’s diagnoses, he came through it…He so wanted to keep going at it…He wanted to participate in the upcoming elections (politics being his most important achievement specially in the days of my home state’s birth as a state after being a territory for so long)

I spoke to him on the phone several times and he joked that he had told his friends that I was the next Frida Kahlo (can you believe that, only grandparents say those things and really believe them! I love you TATA)…jajajaaaa

He loved to talk with my husband because he was the only one in politics and it made my grandfather proud (as if my husband was his own grandson)

He found resemblance to himself in everyone of his great-grandchildren…to which we all replied, “You think?!”, “Yes I do, look at her eyes, look at his eyebrows…”, he’d say… He knew he was a hansdome fellow and quite a charmer!

Being a bit vain (always looking his absolute best) he decided he did not want to be seen in his last moment by his friends, he wanted for them to remember him in all his youthful glow and splendor (which he still had at 91), so he was cremated…his ashes spent two days at my uncle’s home for everyone to go pay their respects and yesterday evening a mass was held in his honor…what a gathering, lovely (elderly) couples that I had grown up seeing at my grandparents’ house when they got together to celebrate birthdays or to play cards…God bless them!

Tears were shed by many, but not by me…and with this my personal confusion continues…I could not cry, though I did feel a tremendous hole in my chest, I did not cry…I have not cried at any of my grandparents passings…and I am confused…I loved them all, I loved them immensely, I spent most of my childhood at their homes, they were the connection when my parents divorced, they were what kept the feeling of family alive in me…so why can’t I cry?

THIS IS MY VERY OBJECTIVE ANALYSIS AND CONCLUSION: I have come to realize that it is not about me, their death is about them RESTING not about me not seeing them anymore…I do understand and feel sad about not listening to their stories and advice, but this IS NOT ABOUT ME! Their bodies were tired, they had achieved their God assigned goals, some quicker than others, but they were done on this earth…I get this!!! but people who had less connection with him were crying yesterday AND I WASN’T

I thanked God for having given me such an important, intelligent, funny, prudent, joyful person as a grandfather, so loved and admired by all who knew him…this is all I could think about: THANK YOU GOD!!

I never felt sorry for myself…though I am worried about my dad who was the one that took care of him, he is the one I feel I should have my eye on from now on…

Aaaah...drifting mentally and physically

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY (remember that commercial?)

I am tired but I still need to get things sorted out for our return home and go back to Mexico City to get my stuff pack for the move…thankfully we have a lovely family vacation planned for the last week of July before we part…

WHEWWWW…talk about life’s curves

and as Gretchen Rubin writes in her book (yes, still reading it, don’t want to finish it)

THE DAYS ARE LONG, BUT THE YEARS ARE SHORT…

So this is what becoming an adult is about…who knew!

QUOTE DESIGN … image … quote

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6 responses to “REACT…R.I.P. Grandpa

  1. Alexandra!! I’ve been so disconnected from everything!! Amiga, yo se lo que se siente perder a alguien.. Pero la bendición de haber tenido abuelo hasta los 91… celebra su vida, prolonga su recuerdo con tus hijos, y si, cuida a tu papá.
    Te mando un abrazo! Me estoy poniendo al corriente con tantos blogs y posts… My life is the same old same old… Promise to catch up soon. I love you friend…

  2. I am not a religious person but I find Neale Donald Walsch’s words comforting. He believes that we all choose the time we pass from this life (even when it doesn’t seem that way). For me, when my mum passed I kept thinking: ‘This is what she wants’ and it really helped. Love to you. Stu x

  3. Aww, well now I am also crying!! Count me in with the others. Your Grandfather was one amazing and cool guy! He LIVED and did it HIS way (como canta Frank Sinatra)…I had a friend who used to say “Hay mas tiempo que vida…” and if there was a person who loved life, it was your Tata!
    I can imagine many people were very, very sad and the tears were flowing, just as they are for me now. However, I think you are at peace with him being at peace, maybe it’s the connection you had with him and your grandparents, a connection that goes on beyond the physical experience. Much love to you comadre, and thanks be to God for the wonderful grandparents we got!

    • Thank you comadre for giving me a good explanation for me not crying among so much sadness…I truly thought there was something wrong with me…Yes, Thank you God for such incredibly wonderful and wise grandparents.. xoxo sister!!

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