REACT…I’m next!

Hi everyone, sorry for the absence (hey remember the movie ABSENCE OF MALICE, never saw it but I remember the name…anywho!) I’ve been everywhere and nowhere at the same time…lost in idleness…

but a question, the same question from two of my dear lady friends- my sister-friend Cristy and the wonderful Gaby (who you’ll meet later on)- rescued me from the destructive/depressive state of nothingness I’ve been in…

OK! woman, we get it, so what was the question?

oh yes, they wanted to know where my TURNING 40 post was? hhmmm…I hadn’t thought about doing one for me/ about me since THIS WHOLE BLOG IS ABOUT ME…but they got me thinking about it, maybe there are some parts of the conversation  I had with them that could make for an interesting read if the tables were turned

so I went back, gave theirs another read and well since my birthday’s in 4 days (yes, March 17th, St. Patrick’s Day)…here goes:

ME: hey Alexandra, I’ve known you since forever, but at the same time when we sit and write I discover something new about you…so tell me, are there any parts or moments of your life that you’d like to go back and re-write?

ALEXANDRA: I wouldn’t dare go back as far as my teenage years, I think I’ll make up for that with my daughter, not by forcing her to do things I didn’t just to make up for lost time, but in reconsidering the negatives and so many prohibitions both the socially, as well as, the self-imposed ones.

I’m OK with how my life has evolved, I am a basket case, but it’s not solely my fault, though I do admit that it’s in my hands to take action now and remedy it…everything I did and didn’t do only affected me so I’m at peace with that, but there is a part of my life that, although I don’t care to re-live, I would like to have done it differently: the years when my children were babies…those years, I’d love to have only good memories of, I’d love to be able to say that I enjoyed them immensely, but I didn’t…I just hope (and pray) that I am now and in the future a better mom, a truly PRESENT mom, not physically, because I’ve always BEEN there, but emotionally, present and complete…

ME: oh yes my dear, you have evolved…I remember you as a scaredy cat and now…

ALEXANDRA: I haven’t Gone Wild in Cancun or anything remotely like that, but I have given myself the chance to try out stuff I thought was out of my reach, but this is just recently…I’ve always been a nerd and an overachiever, nothing major but I have been known and even criticized for giving my all to regular everyday stuff, stuff where the profit would seem null to most, well to me it’s not about that, it’s about testing and proving TO MYSELF that I can break my own boundaries and at the same time readjust to set my own limits that are forever changing as I rediscover the possibilities.

btw, please don’t ask me to describe myself, all humility aside because I can’t, eventhough I do recognize wonderful talent in me, I still don’t have the SELF-ESTEEM OF STEEL I wish I had…

I can say, because there is proof, tangible proof, that I am a good painter, I am a good writer (have I pushed my luck with that?!), I am a good listener (but I also have an awful memory so I sometimes interrupt before I lose my train of thought) and I am very grateful when someone asks for my advice or opinion, I love to hypothesize and get all philosophical about life…I am in love with learning and with the creative process, I am a work in progress

ME: OK, so don’t describe yourself..but tell me, who has given you the best advice and what was it?

ALEXANDRA: I’m not one to ask around for advice, not because I feel I have the answers but because I look for answers myself…There are two women in my life that have given me the most valueble advice and opinions…one is my SISTER-FRIEND  Cristy, who you know very well and the other is my DARLING FRIEND Fabiola who you also know very well…they have set me straight in many ways, they have opened my eyes…

WRITING THIS BLOG, for example was the advice I got from Cristy when I was overwhelmed and choking on my own words…and she was so right!! I owe this to her, to her insight, to her ability to see what is best for me…

ME: so you said that you are also suddenly asked for your opinion or advice, tell us about it…

ALEXANDRA: jajajaaa I can’t! I don’t remember…besides I can only toot my own horn when the evidence is tangible…and here we’re talking about emotional stuff that goes directly to the heart…I do try my absolute best when my daughter comes to me for advice, nothing to dramatic, well at least not yet, but I am trying to pave the way for when those days come, for both my children, I want them to know that they can confide in me and expect a reliable answer, but I also want them to understand that I am first of all their mother, a mother who remembers those days pretty well (not the details but the emotions are so vivid in my mind and heart) and can most definitely relate and empathize (I love empathy…oh I already told everyone about that!)…

OK people, so here’s the first part,

the birthday is almost here

so we’d better get a move on with this…

stay tuned!!

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5 responses to “REACT…I’m next!

  1. Great article! I loved the knowledge as well as the information given . In addition, your writing style is very pleasing to read. If you have time kindly explore my brand new blog and tell me what you think.

    • Thank you for your very kind words, I’m really glad you enjoy reading my blog and find it pleasing…I did pop over to your blog, i think it’s a topic I don’t quite get but i do congratulate you on starting a blog you’ll find it very entertaining

  2. Pingback: REACT… TURNING 40 and chatting with MYSELF (part deux) | ACT. REACT. or just THINK about it!·

  3. May I be the first to wish you an EARLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Who cares if it’s 4 days before the actual big day. I think you’ll enjoy it, de veras, and I’m not saying it because “no nos queda de otra.” 40 is the new cool.
    So if you’re not saying it, I will. This is how I describe you: Creative, Thoughtful, with an impressive curiosity and intellectual quotient, stylish, practical, artistic, FUNNY! and so much more.
    Thank you for your kind words and for your appreciation. I only thought blogging would be a great avenue for you, since you’ve always had so much to say and you’re so talented. And even more, you’ve taken blogging to another level altogether and I’m impressed with the quantity and quality of everything you post. Here’s to more microrrelatos and more good times. ¡¡Feliz Cumpleaños!!

    • What can I say…my grateful heart is overwhelmed by such lovely words…You are my NUMBER ONE fan, you are always cheering me on!!! I know I can count on your infinite love and care for all things ME, that includes my children… yes, it’s 4 days before my 40th, I had hoped for something truly memorable to celebrate it, but in the vastness of the universe it is just another day (read:my husband is too busy), I need to put things into perspective but won’t lose hope of celebrating my 40th, I’ve got the whole year to do it, right?! Thank you sweetheart, thank you!! I love your description of me, I Thank God that your lovely heart sees me that way…I think I should print this to have it as my affirmation board!! xoxo

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